When All Else Fails
by handoverthebiscuit
Summary: War takes its toll on everyone, and sometimes, you run out of options. /songfic/IchiHitsu/


Disclaimer: I disclaim.

**When All Else Fails  
><strong>Songfic: Circus by Arashi

* * *

><p><em>Doushitemo kimi ni misetainda wonderland<em>  
><em>Meguru hikari to kage ni yureteiru mystery<em>  
><em>Dare mo shiranai tobira no oku<br>(No matter what, I want to show you a wonderland)  
>(In the flickering light and shadows that go around, there is a mystery)<br>(No one knows what's behind the doors)_

Nobody quite suspected the fateful day would arrive, where defenders of different dimensions would clash. Yet, watching from the frontlines the gradually appearing seam in the sky, it dawned on Hitsugaya that everything was rather true, and was vastly different from the fairytale-like world he had grown up in, that Hinamori had desperately clung to.

_Oh baby, Circus no maku ga hirakeba  
>(Oh baby If the circus curtains are opened)<em>

The rip in the sky stretched; some faltered, some readied themselves. Some yelled, some pursed their lips tight. They knew.

They all knew that everything came at a cost, even victory.

And they wondered if they could ever shoulder up the burden.

Waiting never lasted forever; the enemy force stepped out of the void, Aizen leading them.

_Show time ga hajimaru futari yume no naka  
>(Show time begins in our dreams)<em>

It could be a dream; maybe not.

Maybe some of them were there; maybe others were not.

Maybe he was just caught in the sidedrift, the main army drawing Aizen's attention from him, but one Hitsugaya Toshiro did not go unnoticed; Kurosaki Ichigo turned, bewildered, just in time to see blood arcing in the air, trailing from Aizen's sword to the battered body of the young captain that had been the subject of his fancy for longer than he cared to admit.

_Mekuri meku toki wo kimi ni miseru yo  
>(I'll show you a dazzling time)<em>

Aizen smirked, taking pleasure in personally exacting revenge on the mere child that had interfered so severely in his plans.

With one swift movement, he gripped Hitsugaya's wrist, twisting it painfully until the sword clattered to the ground with a sharp gasp. Did he really think that was all he could do? Was he shocked?

He smiled, raising his sword upon the defenceless boy; no Shinigami could have ever been more wrong, and he revelled in the bloodcurdling scream that tore through the battlefield.

_Dousureba kimi no me ni boku ga utsuru darou？_  
><em>Bara iro no sekai, k<em>_imi to yuku rendezvous  
>(What should I do so that I'm reflected in your eyes？)<br>(Going to a rendezvous with you in a rose-colored world)_

Pain exploded in his abdomen and his vision began to swim.

Why? Why hadn't Ichigo shown up? Twisting painfully, he struggled to locate the familiar tuft of orange hair.

Struggled to catch his gaze.

Why didn't he turn around? Didn't he know where he was?

Vaguely, he heard Aizen's taunting voice. 'Where do you think you're looking, hm, Hitsugaya-kun?' It didn't quite register, until he heard his cracked voice scream and more blood came flying (his own, he was sure) and he felt its wetness.

Felt the stickiness.

Tasted its copperiness.

Landed face down in a puddle of it (seeing red suddenly took on a new perspective).

Couldn't Ichigo just turn up? Appear right beside him, and take him away.

Take Aizen away.

Take the pain away.

_Doushitemo, kimi no kokoro todokanai_  
><em>Sora ni buranko yurete surechigau bakari<em>  
><em>Boku no hou ni te wo nobashite<br>(No matter what, I can't reach your heart)  
>(Only passing by each other on swings in the sky)<br>(Stretch out your hand in my direction)_

Shaking the fallen and abandoned figure that was Toshiro, Ichigo wasn't sure if he was relieved when he finally opened his eyes. The dull teal orbs were glazed over and wide; the dry lips mouthing words he couldn't understand.

'Toshiro?'

'No,' the childlike voice held a hint of fear that he had never heard before. 'Don't touch me! Go away!'

The mess of a captain scrambled backwards, away from his grasp. Grabbing Toshiro's narrow shoulders much more gently than he though possible, he spoke slowly yet firmly.

'It's me, Ichigo.'

Toshiro paused. '...Ichi?' His eyebrows creased, as if the thought took all his concentration.

'Yes. We're going to the Fourth Division, okay? Don't-' The captain once again shrank back in fear at his touch.

'Let go! Get away from me!' He almost panicked when Toshiro began to shiver violently. 'I don't know you...don't touch me...'

_Oh baby, taikutsu na yoru wo kowashite  
><em>_Flashlight ga terashite futari yume no naka_  
><em>Himitsu no meiro ni hikikomareru yo<br>(Oh baby Break through the boring nights)  
>(Shine a flashlight in our dreams)<br>(You'll be drawn into a secret maze)_

The light was bright. Too bright, then it was gone.

Painful. More than he could bear.

There was a crashing sound in the distance, and he thought he heard someone swear under their breath (odd, he was the only one here).

The ice he always knew decorated his inner world had melted, leaving deep furrows in the mud as the water flowed away, yet large glaciers still blocked his way in every direction, weaving a complicated labyrinth in which he was trapped.

Hyourinmaru never responded, no matter how loud he called. The dragon had always been there too.

White-hot pain lanced through his torso. Where was Ichigo? Why hadn't he come? Wasn't he the shining knight of Soul Society, ready to save anyone in trouble?

Wetness - rain?

_Sorezore no kanashimi koyoi wasureyou_  
><em>Hoshizora ni todoku hikari tomoshitai<br>(Each of your sorrows, let's forget them tonight)  
>(Light that reaches the starry sky I want to illuminate it)<em>

Water rained down on him as the storm raged above. Looking up, he smiled bitterly as it washed his tear-stained face and his puffy red eyes.

Turning back to Toshiro, who had curled into a tight ball and huddled up against a tree, he sighed and placed a hand on the tense shoulder.

Hey, Toshiro, this is your domain isn't it? All we're missing is the snow. You always loved thunderstorms.

He paused.

Wake up, come back to me.

The captain shuddered and Ichigo pulled away, sighing and watching as lightning flashed in the distance.

Lightning was fast - if only he'd found Toshiro faster; discovered what Aizen had been doing to him earlier.

Lightning was deadly - if only he could take Aizen down in one strike. Maybe this wouldn't be happening.

Lightning could be channelled - if only he could use his strength to bring Toshiro back to reality.

What was the point in being able to slash the moon yet not be able to protect?

_Futari no yukue wa dare ni mo  
><em>_Wakaranai kimi dake wo  
>(No one knows where we are, only you)<em>

Ichigo.  
>Hyourinmaru.<br>Pain.  
>Blood.<br>Hyourinmaru.  
>Ice.<br>Aizen.  
>Rain.<br>Blood.  
>Ichigo.<br>Screams.  
>Fourth Division.<br>Light.  
>Ice.<br>Pain.  
>Aizen.<br>Blood.  
>War.<br>Red.  
>Blood.<br>Ice.  
>Pain.<br>Cold.

It didn't add up. Why couldn't he fight the darkness and torture eating away at his mind?

Where was he? The cold rain battered his tired body relentlessly; couldn't he give up this battle?

_Dakishimeyou  
>(Let's hold each other close)<em>

'Don't you dare give up on me, Toshiro,' ignoring the cries of distress and feeble struggles, he gathered Toshiro into his arms.

War was a terrible, terrible thing. How could people use war to settle petty conflicts? Wasn't was in itself a conflict? Where does peace come in? After both parties have been annihilated?

An anguished scream tore through the lips of the delirious captain and unwittingly, he let go.

_Show time ga hajimaru futari yume no naka_  
><em>Mekuri meku toki wo kimi ni miseru yo<br>(Show time begins in our dreams)  
>(I'll show you a dazzling time)<em>

The ice closed in around him. There was nothing to see but his own haggard reflection.

Nothing to hear but his own broken screams.

Nothing to breathe but the warm breaths he choked out every other second.

Nowhere to move from this bloodstained spot where he stood.

Nothing to do but watch as large cracks wove their way up the glaciers, shattering them into murderous shards and together with them, his weak grip on reality. Ice crumbled onto him, crushing him yet not killing him.

And all he could do was crouch in his spot and scream.

_Dousureba kimi no me ni boku ga utsuru darou？_  
><em>Bara iro no sekai kimi to yuku rendezvous<br>(What should I do so that I'm reflected in your eyes？)  
>(Going to a rendezvous with you in a rose-colored world)<em>

Ichigo was desperate. He had absolutely no idea what Aizen had done to Toshiro, but had a sinking feeling it had something to do with Kyoka Suigetsu.

He tried to ignore the dull, unmoving teal gaze. Tried to ignore the cold seeping into his bones. Tried to ignore the struggles of the white-haired male before him. Tried to ignore the exhaustion.

What did it take to get the haze out of those large teal eyes? To make him return to his senses?

'Hey, would it be naïve of me to ask you to come back, so that life can return to normal?' Toshiro remained oblivious to his attempts.

Take away this war; return my rose-tinted glasses of youth; bring him back; make this world perfect.

Please.

_Yoru ga tsukuridasu sekai_  
><em>Owaranai yume wo kimi ni miseru yo<br>(The night will invent the world)  
>(I'll show you a never-ending dream)<em>

Was it night? It was darker than before.

He didn't see the moon.

There was always a moon at night.

Ice fell away, but he didn't dare to stand; didn't dare to look.

He nearly cried out when a distant rumble revealed a melting, suffering Hyourinmaru.

It never ended, did it? It just kept coming and coming, until there wasn't anything left of him. He reached a bloodsoaked hand, tried to push himself towards the dying dragon.

With a final, agonising roar, the once-majestic dragon of ice crumbled to the ground, and he found himself plunged into silence.

Plunged into a never-ending plain of melting ice that stretched to the horizon, and surely beyond.

Yet, a soft, familiar voice called him. Who?

_Sorezore no kanashimi koyoi wasureyou_  
><em>Hoshizora ni todoku hikari tomoshitai<br>(Each of your sorrows, let's forget them tonight)  
>(Light that reaches the starry sky I want to illuminate it)<em>

'Ichigo?' he flinched at how weak he sounded. How vulnerable.

Ichigo, on the other hand, was pleased that some of the depth had returned to Toshiro's previously eerily blank eyes, signifying his return to lucidity.

'Yeah, it's me. Don't move, okay? I'll get you to the Fourth in no-' he was cut off abruptly.

'No. It hurts...take it away,' he winced at how empty his mind was.

'What hurts? I'll try to-' now he was panicking.

'They say that when people die, they become stars. One of those,' Hitsugaya mumbled. 'That they watch over their family, and protect them.'

Ichigo nodded dumbly.

'Kill me.'

'What?'

'Send me there, so I can protect everyone,' he choked and sputtered. 'Send me there, let me join Hyourinmaru,' he rasped, it was barely audible.

_Kimi to yuku rendezvous__  
>(Going to a rendezvous with you)<em>

'I won't send you there, Toshiro. I'll _take_ you there.' Without a moment's hesitation, he dragged the captain into his lap.

Unsheathing Zangetsu, he plunged it through both of their tired, soaked, exhausted bodies. _  
><em>


End file.
